You catch yourself speaking to your children in the same tone of voice you use with your non-rates ... or is it the other way around? For example: This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. Here is a list of punchlines. U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! Seeing that the coast … Coast Guard Jokes Marines Jokes. ", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I. Soldier Stands Guard. A Navy admiral and a coast guard chief were in a barber shop. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship. This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina, I noticed a man running down the dock toward me dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised!" "no can do" Pierre said, "We've got all we can do searching for regular-sized boats.". : army. Unless you’re in the National Guard… - Frank Gallardo U.S. ARMY. Then an incredulous voice asked, “How fast were you going when you hit shore?” — About.Com —– Living in hypotheticals Shop CafePress for Funny Coast Guard Jokes Drinkware. The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. 87 RESULTS 87 Results. His work was on genetically enhancing marine mammals, especially dolphins. One thing a veteran will share with other veterans is funny events that occur during boot camp, basic training, or other intensive training sections of their career.Being able to laugh at yourself and others is a key to success while enduring stressful training programs. See more ideas about coast guard, military humor, military memes. All … A high school swim champion with a troubled past enrolls in the U.S. Coast Guard's "A" School, where legendary rescue swimmer Ben Randall teaches him some hard lessons about loss, love, and self-sacrifice. If your child refers to the boat or station as "where Daddy lives". Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even … by PO Bilge Rat | Jun 28, 2017 | USCG Jokes & Humor. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense. dont put that shit on me! During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. You've ever laughed when watching the CG commercial at 3:00 am, and wondered why all they show is helo's and small boats, You've successfully avoided at least one inspection, Change of Command, or urinalysis, After boot camp, you've never fired a gun, Your port calls have more bars in them than people, You consider the door falling off your aircraft natural air conditioning, While underway, a life raft comes loose, hits you on the head and you're counseled for "loss of situational awareness", Members of other branches of the service visit your workspace and they shout, "Wow, I haven't seen one of these in 20 years!". ). You run from the kitchen, trip over the dog, fall and hit your head on the coffee table just to see a 15-second blip on TV when you hear the words "Coast Guard"! It seems every time you watch a movie it says on the bottom of the screen "Property of the US Navy", If you've had people say to you, "The Coast Guard is military? Can anybody hear me? So there is a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded. Press J to jump to the feed. “Get up you sacks of lazy bones” he bellowed. Attention! What the Recruiter Never Told You About Military Promotions, Check out the Military Weapons Typically Used in Basic Combat Training, Coast Guard Yeoman Job Description: Salary, Skills, & More, All About Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer Training, You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts, People ask you what you're doing beyond the three-mile limit, You get married to move out of the barracks, You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing the lack of Cutterman's pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand". Kaitlin Olsen ("It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia") shows up as Edison Jaymes, a billionaire tech huckster who's half Elon Musk, half Elizabeth Holmes from … Free Returns 100% Satisfaction Guarantee Fast Shipping A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. Coast Guard Boats Coast Guard Ships Coast Guard Rescue Us Navy Coast Gaurd Us National Guard Military Jokes Coast Guard Cutter Utility Boat. Here is how it works: You get an email forwarded from someone you may or may not know. Anything will fit if you apply enough force. 0. 0. Coast Guard Jokes An English ship is sinking just off the German coast... ”Mayday, mayday, we are sinking!” The German coast guard responds: ”Hello, zhis is ze German coast guard, … Suddenly, disaster strikes and they begin to take on water. This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard. If your ship is handed a list of businesses your crew is not welcome at during their port call... You've left a port with more than one sign from the naval base... You've woken up in the "red zone" in Panama. That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore. The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean. The last one was automated 10 years ago, said Lt. j.g. I was active duty in the 25th ID out in Hawaii, so I …. On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. A Canadian ship is passing thru European waters. Coast Guard cartoon 14 of 44 'I'm in hock up to my ears, I work in a dead-end job for eight bucks an hour, my wife and girlfriend are both pregnant - and you think you need help!' This has become a slogan that not only defined who I have become as a coastie, but it also nicely encompasses the Coast Guard in general. #CoastGuard #navy #playing The funny military jokes and on this list are for soldiers and civilians alike. You might be a Coastie if the Marines get upset when they see you get to use real bullets in your weapon. Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited. And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. in the real world. We were making them stronger, faster and above all *smarter*-and after all its well known that dolphins are already very intelligent. You can get an alcohol incident and advance in the same week. - Peter OcConnell. Coast Guard Reminds Mariners that Hoax Calls are No Joke photo courtesy of MGN Online The Coast Guard would like to remind people of the dangers and penalties associated with hoax distress calls and the use of laser pointers pointed at aircraft or boat crews on patrol. 20 Political Jokes That Will Get You a Good Laugh Reader's Digest Editors Updated: Jan. 26, 2020 Take a break from reading about politics in the news and check out these hilarious jokes … He was a real visionary, or so I thought at the time. Get link for other Social Networks. Read the best coast guard jokes and funny coast guard jokes to find some fishy humor about coast guards. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. If getting to sleep after mid-watch was ever difficult due to the ever-present sun up above throwing your system off. Sailor: Mayday, Mayday! Coast Guard Jokes. A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." Most heard Quotes from the United States Coast Guard. A joke about a Coast Guard Commander and housekeeping. Directed by Andrew Davis. She then let's all her beautiful blonde hair out of her ponytail and say's "Men always find me because of my bright blonde hair, the coast guard men will find us in no time!" as they were each nearly finished, their barbers were about to slap the after shave on each of their faces. I dont know if the Coast Guard finds that very funny, but i guess the funny part is that i believed it. Any time you set out on a trip you expect to hear "make preparations for getting underway". Click here for more information. Here are some jokes about the military and all its branches, specifically the Coast Guard. What Is the Coast Guard College Student Pre Commissioning Initiative? Very boring it was. Image: U.S. Coast Guard - Military humor. I’ve noticed throughout my career that one way coasties add a sense of humor to our day to day operations is by applying little sayings or catchy phrases to anything that frankly is just down right stupid or a … Alligator Shoes. Check out this list of You Might Be a Coastie If punchlines. That hasn't stopped anyone from making fun of the Coast Guard. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. A big Army car came up with a general seated in … The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. The redhead then decides to take her. A man lived in Florida in a two-story house near the water. The only response he hears is the heavy accent of the German coast guard speaking broken English. I work with a guy who is joining the Coast Guard soon and I need some ammo for talking shit. Article by The Balance. My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. Department of Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly was caught on a hot mic Wednesday telling President Donald Trump in jest that he should use a sword on the press. Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea.". When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even being deployed in the War on Terror overseas to handle port security and other coastal threats. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. In the state of emergency, he follows routine and calls the local coastguard: ...she's half asleep, the husband is reading the newspaper, when the phone rings. 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